Growing Up Under the Stars

I remember so much.

All the way back to my grandma's house.

Funny how consciousness just hits you one day.

Where was I before that?

I have always had an uncanny fascination with the stars. Whether or not this is commonplace, I have not endeavored to know. It's the thing I share with a potential lover; in secret and oh so subtly. But now that I know whose I am, I don't feel the need to keep as much private as I once did.

I remember the day our gym at my elementary school was turned into a starry sky. A huge bubble, igloo-looking, was blown up in the "top-left" corner of the gym. I remember removing my shoes as if preparing for a mission; so excited to crawl through that tunnel hole, so excited for what I would find on the other side. I wanted answers and I was hoping that day would be the day I would learn them.

Instead, I learned their names and how, clustered together, people before me had called them certain things. I felt a sense of order in there. I felt safe. It was just us, the stars and black. I scanned them all looking for the clue; looking for the answer. A few stood out to me and they remain the beacons to this day.

Some "time" later, I was taken to Des Moines to go simulate space station stuff and learn about NASA and all that jazz. I remember the energy of that day the most. I remember Tyler and Jeremy always being just as smart as me and just as capable and I remember looking to them to see if they understood their parts as a clue to help me understand mine. I felt important. I felt capable. I felt I could be and do absolutely anything I wanted.

      Sidebar: I really hope somehow that at least one of my teachers along the way can read this. I
      just want you all to know how successful you really are.

They've always been my friends; the stars. It's always been that if I can find a certain constellation underneath an open sky, I feel relieved. I feel calmed. I feel aligned. And I can always find them because I'm always looking.

People say you can't see the stars in Los Angeles but the bright ones shine brighter here than any night in the middle of a cornfield or mountain pass because they have no competition. But, there is a dis-connectivity here as not seeing as many makes you forget that you are always seen, always heard, always known. Most people stop looking but that's not me.

I'm not giving up.