I was happy once. Wasn't I? I see pictures of me smiling and with former friends and I look so happy. But underneath it all, I just have to say that really, truly...I've never been happy. I've never been given my heart's desires so my life is really a joke to me. It's worthless and void.
And honestly, I'm not interested in living it any longer. Put that in the record books.
If I can't get what's been shown me and promised to me, I'm not interested in any more time here on this earth. Or in heaven either because to this date, God is a liar. He has not made good on his promises and if he does I'll let you know. Reality is, I'm so close to being done that I doubt I will see the day.
The second reality is that I no longer want what God promised me. It's a cosmic joke and it is cruel. And I can't take anymore.
If you're reading this, I'm not sorry. It's not like any of you cared enough to show up or stay or help anyways. It's not like there has been anyone by my side or holding my hand. I have had to do all of this out of my own strength and courage without anyone helping me. The people I called my closest friends a year ago are strangers to me. They don't give a fuck about me and honestly, I, in turn, don't give a fuck about them.
I have no one to turn to. I have no where to go.
I am done.
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